It was a problem that I didn’t know needed solving. I was secure in my role as a mother and caregiver to my three children and never imagined that either of them could be unlawfully removed from my life.

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) led me to discover flaws within the family court system that created the unfortunate situation for me to become re-victimized and permanently harmed due to the lack of trauma-informed judicial practice.

I am not a law professional. I’m simply a woman who has been without her child for more than 5 years due to what I could only describe as a textbook example of the “broken judicial system”.

The experience that I suffered reminded me of something my mother shared with me. She said that “a problem can not be resolved if the problem is not brought to the attention of those who are causing the problem”.

I wondered if the magistrate in my case knew the damage and the pain that she had caused to my family? I wondered if she had ever thought about how my family was impacted by her actions?

My pain motivated me to file grievances with the U.S. Department of Justice and the State disciplinary counsel. What I have gathered from reviewing her complaint response to my grievance is that her ego will not allow her to take accountability. It seems that she is unable to accept responsibility for her actions because of the status and reputation attached to her title/position with the State judiciary.

It appears that she is more concerned with maintaining her legitimacy within her profession rather than doing a proper and truthful self-assessment. There’s no room for honesty, remorse or empathy. To admit an error in judgment is to invite an occupational death sentence to your front door.

I can sympathize with her and the predicament that she may have found herself in, but what about what I have lost? I paid for my freedom with my son. He was taken from me unjustly and never returned, in violation of my parenting rights, all because she chose to dismiss my urgency to escape my abusive situation. I never thought that fleeing would cost me one of my children.

I was happy for Meek Mill and the attention that he received following the 2019 docuseries, Free Meek which details the alleged corruption committed by the judge in his criminal case. It also caused me to question how much of a chance would I be given to receive the same considerations that he had received as a famous rapper battling what I had as a single mother with limited resources.

I suppose that the magistrate presiding over my child custody case may have had her reasons for denying me access to my child. Even though not one of her reasons has ever been offered or presented to me.

She believed that “women are equipped to handle the misdeeds of men” and that “no one told me to be a stay at home mother”. Those are some of the re-traumatizing comments that she made to me in the presence of my abuser.

Gaslighting, victim blaming and victim shaming are some, but not all of the harmful strategies that the magistrate used against me in her attempt to force me to give her what she wanted.

She was not interested in investigating my allegations of abuse. She didn’t care to know anything about our family dynamics. All she wanted was me out of her chambers and my family’s case off of her court docket.

What she wanted was a speedy settlement which relied heavily on same sex placement. My son with his father and my daughter with me. She wanted me to leave behind my son for no reason other than to make her workload more convenient. I protested and she used her professional influence to retaliate against me. She used her influence to disregard me and as a result, I have had to live without my son for more than 5 years now.

It was no longer about IPV, it had morphed into an instance of institutional abuse, because the magistrate had used her power and her influence as a weapon to inflict violence against me.

I believe that if I had a qualified advocate present with me during my court proceedings that the magistrate would have never conducted herself in the unethical manner that she did when I had no one there to support me and witness the acts of re-victimization that I was subjected to.

I believe that many court officials know that they will never have to face the consequences of the trauma that they are inflicting onto litigants that they may have deemed as powerless and voiceless.

This is why trauma informed awareness and the implementation of coercive control legislation is imperative to ensuring fair child custody court settlements. We all should ensure that parents are not maliciously separated from their children due to the absence of trauma informed judicial practice.